Sophie Gradon: In Memoriam

Sophie Gradon has been in the news a lot this last week since her tragic death, leaving her family, friends and a legion of fans shocked and devastated. Me included.

Like many, I laughed and cried along with Sophie when she was on Love Island in 2016. I never imagined I’d be shedding tears of grief for her just two short years later. Her death has hit hard because the world has been deprived of a truly wonderful woman whose soul was as warm and beautiful as her smile.

Sophie Gradon

Remembering Sophie Gradon

Despite swearing off any reality TV after becoming transfixed by an early Big Brother series(!), I couldn’t resist watching Sophie’s season on Love Island. I loved watching her on the show because she just hadn’t changed from when I studied with her a few years before. She was as funny, feisty and mischievous as ever!

I keep closing my eyes and seeing her grinning her welcome as we came into class. Waving that flipping teaspoon of peanut butter she was sucking around as she was talking animatedly and nearly making Shan sick! Her face a picture of compassion when I was going through a rough time and struggling to concentrate in class. How she looked so embarrassed when someone quizzed her about her modelling and how humble she was about it. Her sadness and the gritty determination that flashed across her features when she talked about some of the knocks she’d taken early in her modelling career. Her anxiety when she was getting so stressed and overwhelmed by too many communications and social media notifications coming her way, and her guilt that she was struggling to keep up with people.

I just can’t get my head around that light going out.

The importance of maintaining healthy boundaries for mental wellbeing

However much I’d have loved to keep up with Sophs, I didn’t because it was clear even back then how her popularity exerted a pressure. She had such a big heart that like many of us, she struggled with guilt about not keeping in touch with everyone as much as she wanted to. For me, being a friend to Sophie was keeping at arms length; only there when she wanted me to be.

I deliberately took this approach because I understood a little of the feeling. When I was seriously ill and burning out I had zero energy and wanted the world to go away because I just had nothing more to give. I had intrusive thoughts about harming myself so that I could escape the treadmill of responsibility and stress, take a rest from everything for a while.

It can be so difficult to set and maintain healthy boundaries around your time and energy, and to whom you give it. Who you let in and who you don’t. Whose opinions matter to you and what to do when people abuse you. We’re often not taught this stuff effectively.

For many of us, our mobile phones have become like another limb. Constantly to hand, we’re constantly interrupted. Our attention is pulled around and it can make you feel out of control and overwhelmed, especially when you’re struggling with anxiety or depression. We can derive support and solace from using social media and connecting with friends and family, but the flip-side is that sometimes it can make us feel worse.

Anne Katherine’s Where to Draw The Line is a book I’ve found very helpful this last year or so, to start understanding this stuff more. A more recently-published book on this topic is by Jennie Miller and Victoria Lambert.

Make depression and anxiety the enemy – not each other

Nobody will ever know what went through Sophie’s mind in the moments leading up to her death. I can’t even begin to contemplate it to be honest – it’s just too upsetting.

In the aftermath this week, I’ve read a few truths, but mostly untruths and assumptions. At times very ignorant opinions posted by people who didn’t know Sophie at all and yet feel it is appropriate for them to pass judgement on her. I’ve been angry as I’ve seen her boyfriend receive vicious remarks on Instagram for sharing his grief. I’ve seen everything including Love Island, social media, fame, lack of NHS funding and even (sickeningly by a troll) her boyfriend blamed for her death. I’ve seen people state that the world let Sophie down.

Please – for the love of all that’s good in this world – can we treat those who cared for her and are now grieving and heartbroken with kindness and respect?

While the shock and anger that come with grief is totally understandable, there’s no point blaming anybody for Sophie’s death. Blame is toxic. Hatred is toxic. They are entirely worthless wastes of energy and they will not bring Sophie back.

If you need to blame something, then the enemy we must all fight is mental ill-health.

Sophie’s legacy

Sophie Gradon's tweet 6 June 2018

Sophie was very open lately about her battles with mental ill-health. She spoke of the guilt she felt when she found it necessary to withdraw for a while. She let people know when she was feeling stronger. She was publicly sharing her grief over the death of her close friend Paul Burns when she posted the above tweet.  And I’d agree – ain’t that heart-breakingly the truth, Sophs.

The tragedy of losing someone so young and seemingly with the world at their feet throws everything into sharp relief.

Mental ill-health doesn’t always look like you think it does. It affects males and females, young, old, rich, poor. Everyone in-between. With 1 in 4 UK people experiencing a mental health problem each year we must continue to drive awareness. So-called ‘smiling depression’ is particularly hard to spot, explained well by Rachael’s case study. People can be highly functional and some might not even realise the depth of their illness themselves.

Sophie’s star has gone out far too early and it’s tragic that she’s no longer with us. All we can do is try to honour her life by working to prevent this awful, insidious illness from claiming more lives. Sophie was supportive of raising awareness of mental health issues and I’m as determined as ever to continue my work over here in my little corner of the world.

Sending love and sympathies to her family, boyfriend and other friends. I can only imagine your pain.

Rest In Peace beautiful Sophie. 

Please, be aware of these organisations if you’re ever concerned for someone or for yourself:

https://www.crisis.org.uk
https://www.samaritans.org

Light. What’s the big deal?

We humans are amazing, aren’t we? Ever since the invention of artificial light sources we have been able to control our body clocks. Our circadian rhythm is regulated by light and affects so many different functions within our body. It’s why Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and its milder form, Winter Blues can be so difficult to pin down a diagnosis on.

Fatigue, apathy, brain fog, carb cravings, lack of libido; feeling depressed, anxious, demotivated and unsociable. In the UK we can spend half of our year or more experiencing these symptoms. The severity ranges from barely registering and ‘just a bit meh’ to being unable to function physically and mentally. And this is affecting nearly a third of us in the UK. I just don’t think that’s okay.

We talk a lot about more now about quality of life and being happy. We have huge Government campaigns for diet and exercise to reduce obesity. In turn, they hope to reduce life-threatening and NHS draining conditions like type 2 diabetes and heart failure.

Shining a light on an important subject

Notebook page showing handwritten notes on plans for Little Light Room, by Neina Sheldon

What few people have been talking about is our basic human need for optimal levels of light. I’ve been banging on about this for well over a decade now and at times people have looked at me like I have two heads. I haven’t been able to understand why we’re not talking about it. Once you start doing so, it seems so obvious, doesn’t it? Since I first started blogging about this in 2012, my vision has grown and grown. This picture shows a mind map of my vision I drew up in 2016.

The tide is turning. I can see and feel it. I talk to people about this now and they get it. The conversation about mental health is growing. People are starting to understand their need for healthy diet, hydration and exercise and I genuinely believe that the missing piece of this jigsaw is light. After all – when all you want to do is bury yourself under your duvet and eat ALL the carbs, it’s hard to maintain your diet and exercise regimens, isn’t it?! 😉

I spent last week at Newcastle Startup Week and talked to people about all this – my passion project, as I’ve come to call it. I want to impact on individuals, organisations and Government policy. I want future generations to be free of SAD and Winter Blues. I want natural and top-up artificial light therapy to be a basic right for everyone. I’ve got the why in spades. I have tons of ideas for the what and the how, but I know I can’t do it all alone.

What is a healthy light right?

No more working and studying in windowless workspaces. No more tints on the windows that block much-needed natural light. No more shaming people if they want to take a breather outdoors. No more. No more. No more.

Instead, I want EVERYONE to have an awareness and take responsibility for their own light needs for their wellbeing. I want employers and building engineers to think about lighting workspaces with wellbeing in mind and not just health and safety. I want employees to be able to take breaks during their work day to get some fresh air and natural light with no judgement or questions asked. I want Government to legislate this because I suspect many employers and building engineers would only take responsibility for this if they’re forced. I want getting enough light to be so easy and natural that we no longer have symptoms caused by lack of light. I want us to design solutions for our changing climate with our light needs in mind.

I finished Startup Week full of hope, but as overwhelmed by my huge vision as ever. “There’s so little valid and reliable research or conversation happening out there on light for wellbeing; how will I convince people we need to make these things happen?”, I thought.

Answers from the Universe?

I don’t know if you believe in fate, the Universe, God, Source or any of these things. I am beginning to, more and more.

I cried with joy earlier this week when my boyfriend called me late at night to tell me to look at VELUX’s brand new ‘The Indoor Generation’ campaign, launched on 15 May. And I couldn’t sleep for hours afterwards, I was so excited!

Why? Because the fact that a huge company like them are now talking about the problems that result from us not having enough natural light and fresh air is huge validation. More than that, they’ve used their resources to conduct up-to-date research with a huge sample of 16,000 people across 14 countries.

That same morning, my boyfriend had told me he’d ordered me a light meter so I can measure the light intensity of areas (he’s adorable!). At the weekend, following a conversation with a contact the previous week about his office light levels, he told me he’d talked to his staff about it and discovered they feel down when it’s dull.

So what now?

Let’s get talking about this more. Let’s start letting more light in to our homes and workspaces. Let’s get out into the fresh air and natural daylight as much as we can. Let’s support the Seasonal Affective Disorder Association. Let’s lobby our Government to enhance their campaigns with light as an enabler of healthy diets and exercise. Let’s introduce bright lights in autumn and winter, like these from Lumie to top-up the natural light we get. Let’s put ourselves in the best position possible to live healthy lives.

I’m super excited to see where this goes and to be part of it. If you’re working in this space, I’d love to hear from you. Please connect with me on LinkedIn so we can start a conversation.

Embracing hibernation this autumn and winter

Hey there! How are you getting on with autumn? Are you going into hibernation mode yet? If not, what’s stopping you?

At this time of year, we can feel a real pressure on us. There’s different festive events to plan and prepare for, and it can all feel a bit much when our body is crying out for nourishment and quiet. So here’s a few thoughts to ponder and see if we can move through autumn and winter this year in a different way.

Joining in nature’s rhythm

Autumn treeWhat would it be like if we followed nature’s example? If we saw autumn as being that wonderfully fruitful time of year when the leaves have done their job and begin to shed.  The energy they’ve collected producing beautiful fruits and seeds that will create new growth or nourish our bodies… What if we treated ourselves the same? What if we’d already been blossoming and blooming throughout spring and summer, and now were harvesting the fruits of our labour with satisfaction?

And winter. What if we embraced the colder, darker months as nature does, using the time to quietly and consciously plan for the coming spring? Nourishing ourselves. Restoring ourselves. Gathering strength and energy ready for us to grow afresh and blossom in spring?

Sounds good, doesn’t it? Is it possible for us, with our busy lives? Well, not completely, perhaps. I mean, most of us do have to get up and go to work or get on with looking after children, parents, or whatever other commitments we have. How we choose to spend the remainder of our time is our choice – whether it feels like it or not! 😉

Embracing cosiness

What is hygge?Our Danish cousins have got this one all figured out, haven’t they? They use the term ‘hygge‘ to describe a feeling that doesn’t really have an English equivalent, but broadly is about feeling cosy, content and appreciating a moment.

There’s been a lot of interest in this term over the last year or so, and it’s created a broader curiosity about other cultural practices. So other books about finding your Swedish Lagom (balance) and Japanese Ikigai (life purpose) have followed.

What they all have in common is awareness. Slowing down and noticing what’s in front of us and what we need to be well.

Why do we resist slowing down?

This isn’t an easy one to answer, but perhaps for many of us it is a fear of missing out, or of being perceived as being boring, or lazy?

So what’s the answer? Well – it’s about finding out what’s holding us back individually and challenging those beliefs gently. When we uncover them, we can treat ourselves with compassion – they were probably there to protect us in the past. But if they’re outdated and we no longer want them, we can replace them with beliefs about what we do want.

When we go through a period of illness that debilitates us it often teaches us a life lesson; that the world won’t come to a stop when we do. People will rally, stuff will drop off the to-do list as it really isn’t that important, and life goes on.

The challenge

We all face a challenge when it comes to managing our time. We receive more information in one day than our grandparents did in their lifetime, so it’s no wonder we’re overwhelmed!

Would we find it easier to consider transforming our time, rather than changing it? For example, if we’d normally go out with friends, to invite them for a cosy evening in instead? Rather than forcing ourselves to the gym when we really don’t want to go, does a brisk walk out in the crispy leaves feel better? When we must do the housework, can we do it in our PJs with big cosy socks on, and a steaming mug of tea/coffee after each bit?

Happy autumn! 😀

Please excuse me while I’m being human…

You know what? Having Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) really sucks sometimes! But I’m only human and sometimes I fall down.

I know, I know; that isn’t the usual positive message I give about managing SAD. But it is the truth. There are times when I really struggle with it and I feel sorry for myself. Times like this week. I get annoyed that not only do I have to spend half my year – every year – managing my symptoms just to try and lead a ‘normal life’ during autumn and winter, but I also have times in spring and summer when it catches me out.

Being only too human…

High Force WaterfallI’ve been struggling for the last three weeks. Here in the north east of England we’ve had almost solid rain on weekdays, with nice weekends. I’m really grateful we had sunshine on the weekends of course; I’ve made the most of it in our beautiful countryside and I’ve felt good on those days. There’s nothing like sitting on a high rock with your feet dangling over the edge of a huge waterfall to make you feel care-free! 😀

In summer, I don’t use artificial light therapy because there’s normally enough natural light for me to be feeling great! The thing I struggle with is that I don’t know how long a rainy spell will last, so it doesn’t always occur to me to use my light. Then the symptoms sneak up and bite me on the ass, which is what happened this week!

I’ve been feeling tired, frustrated, irritable and a bit paranoid into the bargain. I’ve been giving myself a hard time over just about everything. My work is challenging (in a good way – it’s why I took my job!) and there are naturally times when I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere with my objectives, despite working hard. Change isn’t linear and there will always be times you feel like you’re going backwards! Usually I accept this, but with my symptoms getting the better of me, things built up.

It came to a head; I had my first panic attack when I got to my desk on Wednesday. It came out of the blue and was pretty mild compared to what I know some people experience, but nevertheless I hope I don’t have any more!

Being vulnerable…

I’ve been more open at work about how my SAD is affecting me than I have ever been. I worry about seeming unprofessional, and sometimes maybe I am. But I’m also human and I am so grateful for how my colleagues have responded this week.

My boss told me it’s okay to take the day off sick if I need to recharge when I told him I needed to use my day differently – to take stock, make a new plan, look after myself and find some energy. I really appreciated this; I knew I didn’t need to be ‘off’ – but just to let myself get things in focus and plan a way forward.

Tyneside and Northumberland Mind logoOur company partners with Tyneside and Northumberland Mind, who piloted their Sally Allen Fund employer mental health awareness presentation with us. It is allowing different conversations to take place. It gave me the confidence to email our MD and let him know what was going on and what steps I was going to take to make myself feel better. He was as concerned and supportive as I expected him to be.

A colleague took me for a cuppa while we discussed if there were any adaptations we could make in the office. Another was there for me when I was having the panic attack. She took me outside, gave me a hug and helped me recover. Still others were kind and accepting that I was having a tough week.

Standing still a moment…

As ever, when I’ve taken some time to reflect on what’s going on, it isn’t just one thing. It’s back to the same old story; SAD is never in isolation.

Work challenges. Life changes (lovely ones, but still change!). Everyday irritations like starting my day mopping up because my conservatory bedroom leaks! Not looking after myself properly. You know – same old, same old! 😉

Everything interconnects. My hormones and brain chemicals will be imbalanced if I’m feeling stressed, not eating and sleeping well, not taking time out for myself and exercising. This impacts everything else, as well as the SAD.

Of course, it’s a double-edged sword because SAD causes me to feel tired and struggle with energy and motivation, so I’m less likely to look after myself well when I’m symptomatic. I end up turning to quick ‘fixes’ like carbs, sugar and caffeine, which of course don’t fix anything!

I was annoyed with myself. I felt I was being a crap friend, crap employee, crap girlfriend. I was telling myself off because I have no real reason to feel so bad; things are actually really good in my life right now! I screwed up on an important presentation because I wasn’t on good form, and that’s how I finished the working week. Come Friday night I was so exhausted and fed up.

Dusting myself off…

My friends, family and boyfriend (yep – I’m newly in a relationship!) are absolutely wonderful and I make no apologies for the amount of times I say that! 🙂 They are always there cheer-leading or soothing. They get and support me no matter what – and there’s nothing more loving than that.

As I climbed into bed on Friday, I told myself, “You know what, Neens? You’re only human. Everyone falls sometimes. What’s done is done. So pick yourself up and dust yourself off, now.”

Balcony gardening and readingSo, I’ve made sure I’ve eaten properly, exercised and slept well. I also thought about what helps me feel better in spirit. I bought myself flowers on my way home from work on Friday. I spent yesterday planting flowers on my balcony, cooking, reading, listening to music, dancing, catching up on messages from friends and family. And I spent lots of time in the sunshine, which made a reappearance!

I’m feeling lots more ‘myself’ today as a result. I am really not perfect – nobody is – and I think I need to learn to be more accepting of that. I have a real stubborn perfectionist streak; at times I hold myself to impossible standards I would never expect of others. I’ve done a lot of work over the last couple of years on the inner critic and developing self-compassion. Sometimes though, the old patterns of thinking take over and I find I’m beating myself up as of old. But life’s about putting one foot in front of the other and doing your best. That’s all I can be and do. I’m only human, after all.

Stigma and sitting with fear

Last month, I published and shared a post on my social media channels about using antidepressants to manage SAD and touched on the stigma I felt about them. It really seemed to resonate. So much so, that it had over 900 views. I received around 100 comments and private messages from friends, family, colleagues and even people I didn’t know. This response was completely unexpected – so humbling and overwhelming.

I felt such a wall of love and acceptance around me and over a month later I’m still feeling bowled over by it. Thank you so much if you’re reading this and you were one of the people who reached out to me. I’m not able to do justice to describing how much it meant to me.

So, what did we learn about stigma from this experience?

The first thing that became clear to me and hopefully to everyone else, is that the world doesn’t come crashing down around you if you share your experience of depression, anxiety, SAD, burnout, adrenal fatigue, mental/nervous breakdown… or any other common type of mental ill health.

I hope that if you saw the Facebook post you took strength and inspiration from the wonderful people who commented. You should be able to click on the comments icon after the post to read them:

I had a huge ‘vulnerability hangover’ after sharing this post and I wanted to delete it. How glad am I that I sat with that uncertainty and fear now though?! 🙂 If I hadn’t, we wouldn’t have seen the level of support that people can show when we allow ourselves to be known.

Is stigma a misunderstood term?

Interestingly, some of the conversations highlighted people’s different understandings of what stigma is. It made me wonder whether we have different interpretations of how much of a problem stigma is because of these discrepancies.

In its dictionary definition, it sounds very severe: “A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.” (Oxford Dictionary)

For me, it isn’t just about an obvious ‘mark’ that would indicate something about a person, that you could perceive from the outside. And it might not always feel like full-blown ‘disgrace’; it can also be disapproval or contempt. I believe that is still stigma.

Anything that incites shame around a condition, circumstance, character or behaviour, I would call stigmatising.

I’m really interested in hearing in the comments what you consider stigma to mean, if you feel able to share?

Don’t judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes…

This commonly-quoted Indian-American proverb of unknown origin is as wise and relevant today as it has ever been. When we look at what is happening in the world, we see so much suffering that stems from judging others.

Most mental health stigma seems to come from lack of knowledge. It’s okay for us not to know what we don’t know! But the distinction is that it’s not okay to negatively judge and criticise what we don’t know – that’s what makes it stigma.

Often, we can hold opinions about something that are not our own. We can soak up the general feeling and opinions about a topic like a sponge. Children in particular are primed to learn from others in this way. We can teach them well or poorly.

If you hear enough people criticising antidepressant users, for example, you can shame someone for taking them, without knowing anything about them.

The majority of people we know would consider themselves to be non-judgemental, I’m sure. If they say something out of lack of understanding we forgive them, when they respond in an open way as we have a conversation with them about the topic.

The need for empathy

Sadly, as is so often the case in life, our memories are coloured disproportionately by the minority. Those individuals and experiences that leave you feeling raw and vulnerable. Our primitive brain makes us protect ourselves from further harm by magnifying and making us feel fear.

I have an example to share with you from my own personal experience from a few years back. Talking about my experience of SAD one day to my team, my colleague interrupted me and said, “don’t be ridiculous; you can’t get depression because of the weather!” At first, I thought maybe what sounded like contempt was meant to be a joke. Her first language wasn’t English, so I understood that sometimes this can happen.

However, as the conversation progressed it quickly became obvious that the contempt and attempt to shame me was deliberate. She couldn’t empathise and refused to listen to my explanation, believing she was right and she knew more about depression than I did. The real kicker was that some time later she started to complain that she felt that the weather was making her tired and getting her down, while asking for my advice about a dawn simulator. Had she been able to empathise earlier she might have been able to recognise and head off her symptoms before they started to affect her.

Little Light Room - less stigma more love

Opening up…

The memory of this experience and others like it is what bubbled up in me as I was sharing my post last month. The irrational thoughts of ‘what if people think I’m weak or just being self-indulgent?’ and ‘will this damage my professional profile – what will my colleagues and clients think of me?’ were very loud and insistent!

So why did I not only publish the post, but share it publicly on my social media channels? Well, I feel passionately about the topic of improving mental health and our need to overcome stigma as a major barrier to this. But I felt like a fraud because I was still hiding the extent of my experience myself. I genuinely want to help people understand and feel understood, but fear was holding me back.

The reality is that most people are able to empathise, if we are brave enough to face down our fear of being judged and share. Only by more people being more open will we be able to overcome stigma. This isn’t easy for any of us and we must do it only when it’s right for us.

The reward has been that I felt more love and acceptance than I could ever have imagined when I shared. I hope one day we’ll talk as openly about our mental health as we do about having a common cold.

Coping with SAD, ill health and antidepressants… my real story

It’s taken me ages to write and share this post because it makes me feel very vulnerable. However, I think it’s an important thing, to share my experience with you. It’s the point of this blog for you to have a personal perspective on managing SAD and know you’re not alone. I think it’s really important to realise that SAD is never in isolation, which is what I hope to show you. And if you’ve been through similar experiences, I hope this will help you and show you that you will recover.

This post is loosely based around my experience of medication to manage the condition, particularly antidepressants. Around it, I’ll tell you the real story of my last five years of managing SAD, acute and chronic stress, and my tentative recovery from burnout. It’s a long one, and might not be the most engaging thing you’ve ever read! But thank you for being here, for taking time out of your day to visit my blog. 🙂 If you’re feeling in a vulnerable state, please come back and read it when you’re feeling stronger, since some of it may be triggering for you.

Once upon a time..

Up until a few years ago, I successfully managed my symptoms using light therapy. You know what? I was kind of proud of this. I felt like despite life’s many ups and downs, I had this condition nailed. Silly me, right?

Then I went through an intensely stressful couple of years. After some difficult years I ended my nine-year relationship in 2012, losing my home and racking up thousands in additional debt in the process. This wasn’t a clean break; the emotional and practical ramifications went on for well over a year afterwards. A few close friends had moved away, so I felt the loss of my trusted support network and my family live in other cities. At the same time, I had a lot of job-related stress and was going through a long and painful restructure that ultimately resulted in me being demoted. Neither was that straight-forward; the after-effects of that restructure were felt by everyone for two years afterwards at least.

Through all of this, I didn’t take time off sick. I was proud of that, too, you know? Feeling like I’d thrown my entire life up in the air, “but hey, I’m still getting on with life,  still smiling, still working hard, still being there for others when they need me…” Wearing my stress like a bloody medal. Well, I discovered the hard way that there really is a limit to how long I can do that.

Stop the world, I want to get off!

Because I kept pushing myself through, my body eventually got sick of me and ground to a halt. I’d been getting progressively more exhausted, to the extent that I was dragging my body around and every movement felt like an effort. Keeping my eyes open was a battle. I was having dizzy spells and feeling like I was going to feint. My colleague later told me she’d never seen anyone look so tired as I had in that period. I just hadn’t realised I’d got so bad.

Mentally, I now realise I was shouting at myself and not listening to that, either. I was having thoughts of harming myself or just disappearing for a while. It wasn’t a desire to die – I just wanted to rest and for everything to be on pause… If I could have some time without stress for a bit I might recover my energy. Be me again.

Well-meaning people were telling me it was an exciting time; I had no real ties and could do anything. They’d love that opportunity. I felt like this was the worst feeling in the world for me, actually. I’m a person that likes stability and belonging. It felt like I was a huge failure.

And then one day in October 2014, I just couldn’t get out of bed. I mean this literally – I wasn’t able to move. The day before, I’d been sent home from work at lunchtime. I was feeling leaden, having dizzy spells, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I’d crawled into bed assuming I had a bug and some sleep would sort it.

So, I wasn’t expecting to wake up and not be able to move my body that next morning… It was very scary. Sleeping for another few hours, I had enough energy to get to the loo and call my boss. That exhausted me, so back to bed I went for another ten hours. And another ten after that… Putting my head on the pillow and closing my eyes felt like the most blissful thing ever!

A mental breakdown, burnout, depression, Adrenal Fatigue, Seasonal Affective Disorder at its extreme?…

After 36 hours’ almost-constant sleep, I managed to get to the doctor’s by taxi. I was diagnosed with depression and my doctor insisted I take antidepressants. As I challenged it, he told me, “well you’ve been doing everything else right, taking exercise, eating well, resting… what else is there?” I hated being put on them. I couldn’t figure out why I was giving myself such a hard time over taking them, when I fully support other people in taking them and being open about it. It felt like I was somehow letting myself and others down; admitting defeat. Such is the power of the stigma over antidepressants.

Meanwhile, I’d been seeing a nutritionist. My digestive health had been awful, I was losing my hair at an alarming rate, having skin flare-ups and I was exhausted. I’d had an intolerance test, which revealed a couple of foods I should cut out. While I’d cut them down, I was wary about eliminating such major food groups as dairy and wheat without guidance. So, off I went to a nutritionist. She warned that I was rapidly heading towards ‘adrenal fatigue‘ and needed to make changes.

I tried to reduce my stress levels and followed her diet recommendations. Things improved, but it was too little too late. She believes it was this, and not depression, that was the problem. GPs in the UK don’t recognise adrenal fatigue or adrenal exhaustion as a valid condition, though. My understanding is that only endocrinologists and alternative practitioners give it any credence. Some people would call my experience a nervous or mental breakdown. As I suffer from SAD it could have been something to do with that too, especially with the pattern that’s repeated each October since.

To be honest, it really doesn’t matter what label we put on it. What all of these have in common and what it did teach me is that I needed to make some serious changes to how I live my life and how I look after myself.

Coming off antidepressants…

Because I wasn’t sure what had caused this episode and wasn’t entirely convinced it was depression, I felt I only wanted the medication for the six months of autumn and winter, and came off them in spring. Going on and coming off the medication wasn’t great to be honest. I had expected the initial side effects when I went on them and knew they’d pass in a couple of weeks as the medication got into my system. What I wasn’t prepared for was very similar side effects when I was coming off them.

For me, these side effects were things like headaches, trembling, pins and needles in my limbs, sweating, dizziness/vertigo and nausea. They were very distracting and didn’t make work and getting on with life generally very easy, as you can probably imagine! That was okay when I was going on them because I was still so exhausted I was sleeping most of the time and my doctor had signed me off work for a week, so the worst was over by the time I returned to work. But because I’d been unprepared for the withdrawal symptoms when coming off antidepressants, I was at work and had interviews, events, and an assignment to finish that week! Eek, lesson learned! 😉

My doctor had recommended tapering down over several months. But I’d preferred to taper over one month so that I’d be off them for spring and know ‘where I’m at’. I should’ve realised there was a good reason he suggested the longer time frame, but he didn’t warn me when he’d agreed it was fine for me to taper for the month. Anyway, I got through it and the improved nutrition and the lighter days were enough for me to feel like I was doing really well and getting ‘me’ back again.

What the heck is going on with my body??…

In October 2014 when I had this ‘burnout’, I’d experienced some really odd symptoms earlier in the month. I’d woken up and couldn’t stop trembling. You know when you get out of the shower on a winter’s day and you’re freezing and can’t stop shivering? Like that constantly. It was completely uncontrollable!

I was preparing for a job interview which involved a presentation, test and panel discussion at the time. So I thought it was that and it would pass. Nope – it lasted for over a week. It was horrible! So distracting and scary, because I didn’t know what was going on with me. I knew I felt a bit nervous, but I’ve had plenty of nerves in the past (driving tests, anyone?), and had never experienced anything like this!

The trembling eventually calmed down, but what took over was that my heart was racing like I’d just sprinted, or thudding so heavily as if I was placing great strain on it and it was too tired to do its work. Eventually it eased.

Recognising a pattern…

The next year, the same thing happened around the same time of year. Come early October, these symptoms just arrived again one day, out of the blue! It was worse this time, lasting for a month. I couldn’t understand it. Sure, I’d just gone through another life change. I’d taken voluntary severance from my job in the summer and had six months to find myself something new. I was having a high old time, doing freelance work, volunteering, taking trips and enjoying myself! Was knowing I needed a new job enough to trigger it? Why was it occurring at exactly the same time of year? Surely this was SAD-related?

Back to the doctor’s I went, but it didn’t make any sense to her either. I was this time given beta blockers, for anxiety. It was odd – I couldn’t understand it! I’d wake up with my heart racing. It would be happening even when I was quietly reading a book and had nothing particular on my mind. One day it was there, the next gone, and the next it would be back again. The beta blockers didn’t make much difference, and I was scared of taking them anyway, so that won’t have helped! My doctor wanted to do an ECG to check my heart; that showed it was fine, thankfully.

Feeling the stigma of antidepressants…

Confused herself, eventually my doctor told me I should go back on anti-depressants, to see if balancing out the seasons would help. That maybe I just needed a ‘mini dose’ to be myself and maybe when my serotonin dipped, I wasn’t actually myself. The particular type I’m taking (Citalopram) is apparently good for anxiety too. That’s what confused me though; I’ve never been a particularly anxious person. And I didn’t feel like I was down or worrying about things. Certainly not enough to cause these extreme symptoms!

I had a real fight with myself about taking antidepressants for the two years the doctor wants me to take them. This seems to be a fairly standard thing, talking to others. You go on for six months to start, and then if you need to take them again, you’re advised to take them for two years. I’ll be on mine for another six months at least.

So what was the problem? Well, it’s complicated, but mostly I was feeling the stigma. Things have improved a lot around mental health in recent years, but I still feel antidepressants are frowned upon, casually called ‘happy pills’. They’re seen by some as being for people who ‘can’t cope with life’. Some people express the view that they’re not needed and we all need to just pull ourselves together. I’ve heard all these opinions directly in the past and it can really worry you about taking antidepressants. I know it’s the minority of people with these opinions, but isn’t that the way? That we over-focus on these?

When I had previously been taking the medication, my parents had unwittingly given me messages that they disapproved of me taking it. Just little things like ‘well you need to get off them as quickly as possible’. We talked about this since and I know it came from a place of love and they just didn’t realise the messages they were giving about it. I also felt like if I’m taking them, then am I really ‘me’? And how will I know if the other things I’m doing to improve my lifestyle and self-development work are making a difference if my brain’s being chemically altered?

Is it SAD-related?

Three years, this has happened now, including the initial ‘crash’. Always in October. Last year (2016) was a bit later in the month as we had an ‘Indian summer’ and I thought I’d escaped from it. However, it wasn’t so bad this time. Still distracting, but I think because I now know it will eventually pass, it didn’t bother me so much. I was a lot more compassionate with myself too. That’s not to say it isn’t frustrating though, as I still don’t know what’s going on. I’m thinking it might have something to do with the equinox and a sharp change in light levels for it to be occurring around the same time each year. Very strange!

I bumped into my friend a while ago. He’s fantastic for me to bounce ideas with as he’s got a hugely inquisitive mind too and takes a very scientific approach in exploring how to help his SAD. He suggested it might be a drop in Vitamin D. This might make sense actually. I was found to be slightly deficient in the second year of this happening. That seemed odd to me because I’d had a career break and spent loads of time out in the sunshine, ensuring I had times without having sunscreen on.

So anyway – there’s another avenue for me to explore. I’m already supplementing Vitamin D, taking 400% RDA all year round at the moment, but my friend suggested I need a much higher dose for optimal levels. I want to cover Vitamin D in another post and I’m going off-topic, so I’ll not go too far into it here. Watch this space!

Learning to look after myself…

If I’m completely honest, I’m feeling impatient to come off the antidepressants again. Not because it’s bothering me to be on them anymore. I’m comfortable with taking them if I need to, but I’m not convinced that I do. The fact that the same thing happened last year despite being on them for a year makes me think there’s something else going on.

I have an inquisitive mind. I want to see if the personal development work I’ve done over the last few years, and continue to do, has really improved how I feel. It’s hard to know that when I’m still on medication. Maybe it doesn’t matter what’s helped. But I’d like to understand if the genuine well-being I feel now is a result of my own efforts, or a chemical alteration through the antidepressants. I’m sure it’s a bit of both, but I’d be interested to know for sure!

Feeling so grateful…

I’m very well aware, having had SAD since I was a teenager, that it’s a journey to understand how to manage it best for yourself. I felt I had it pretty well managed with just light therapy and then these weird autumn episodes hit. And life hit too, I guess!

I’m so grateful now that they did, though. I’ve learned a really important lesson from that morning when I couldn’t get out of bed.

I’ve done so much in the last few years to change my physical and particularly my mental landscape. We are all a product of our experiences. I might not have been able to control some of mine, but I can take responsibility for doing something about how they affect me today. Some really ingrained unhelpful thinking habits have taken a lot of work to unravel and improve. I’ve learned to be more compassionate with and to treat myself better.

SAD isn’t a condition that we manage in isolation. It impacts on – and is impacted by – every area of our lives. It touches every relationship we have. I can’t express enough how grateful I am for the support I’ve received through the years from my family, friends, colleagues and health professionals.

If you are one of these people and you’ve made it through this long post, then please accept a heart-felt thank you. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without your love and support. <3

Spring hypomania – a watch out for SAD sufferers!

Uh-oh! I fell off the writing wagon. Actually – that’s only half-true. I fell off the posting wagon because I’m writing a difficult post that’s making me feel quite vulnerable! While I continue battling with that one, I wanted to write about hypomania. 

Have you noticed your energy levels rising as spring has sprung? This is really natural for us as humans of course, but if you’re seasonally affected then you might find that like with your winter state, your spring state is also heightened.

Wind up chatter teeth - hypomania often makes you very quite talkative!Talking to a friend the other night, he commented that he loved my energy that night – that I was especially chipper. Translation: I was being a motor-mouth! If you’ve met me (and if you’ve read a few of my posts) you’ll know that I’m a real chatterbox generally; honestly, I am that person who’s chatting away to a complete stranger at a bus stop, on the train, in the gym…

What does hypomania feel like?

You know that feeling when you’ve had too much caffeine and you’re feeling ‘jazzy’? It’s like that, for me. It can be pleasant and funny on some days and uncomfortable and irritating on others.

I think most people would say they feel a sense of wellbeing when the sun shines. But if you’re suddenly feeling a marked surge of energy, and you know that you suffer from SAD, then you might be experiencing this thing we call hypomania. 

At this time of year I’m easily excitable, ‘gung-ho’, full of plans and ready to take on the world. However, I also have to watch myself because it can also mean I’m feeling impatient, and I can be more direct in my communications. This can cause issues in my relationships when people aren’t used to me doing that. So, lots of double-checking messages to soften them before sending! And apologising when I occasionally come across in a way that I hadn’t intended.

Beware of changing clocks!

Understandably, people ask me if I feel excited about the clocks going forward in spring. They’ve just done that last weekend and I’ve given it some thought. The answer is that I look forward to the idea more than the reality.

When you’re sensitive to light levels, sudden changes can leave you feeling off-balance. I get up at 6am and so for me, it was light when I woke up at this time a week ago. It’s now still dark. We’ve had some grey, misty mornings too, so this can have an impact when you need morning light. Back on with the SAD light, then! Of course, the counter-balance of this is that we have lighter evenings, which is lovely! 😀

I appreciate that to a non-sufferer, this might all seem completely bizarre. It’s a weird time of the year when you suffer from SAD. It can feel like you’re on a see-saw! Of maybe you’re reading this and it explains something for you; a slight unsettled feeling, perhaps?

As humans we’re animals and we will all of us be sensitive to light. I think of Seasonal Affective Disorder as essentially, being extra-sensitive to light.

Observe and think twice before you act!

I now remind myself of something each year: now is not the time to make big decisions! Yep, you might feel like you can take on the world, but if you’re experiencing these swings that I’ve described, it’s often worth waiting until they’ve settled down a bit before taking action. 

I’m speaking from experience. I’ve made big decisions in the past around this time of year that I wish I’d not made, or given a bit more thought to. That burst of energy can bring about a bit of the no-nonsense, ‘let’s get on with it’, ‘I’m taking no prisoners’ kinda attitude. Sound familiar?

Bronze pen on lined paper with To Do written on itMaking plans is great – it’s an ideal time for that, if you’re feeling fired up and motivated. Why not grab your pen and paper and jot down some thoughts on what you want to do for the rest of the year? I’ve always thought January is a rubbish time of year to make resolutions and plans, anyway – so much better to do it once you’re feeling energised and ready to put them into action.

But if your thoughts are on life-changing decisions, such as quitting your job, ending a relationship, moving, etc., then maybe just hold fire on making a final decision until you’re feeling less gung-ho.

Of course, if you have big plans that you’ve already made a decision on, then spring energy can be just the thing you need to motivate you. As ever, it’s about being aware.

Does anything I’ve said ring true for you? Or do you disagree? Do you think that you experience hypomania?

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Hope you’re having a great week! 😀

– Neens –

Image credits:
Chatter Teeth: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/424094
To-Do: http://www.freeimages.com/photo/to-do-1156681

How can I manage SAD symptoms? Part Four – lifestyle

Lifestyle. It’s a big, all-encompassing word, isn’t it? This final part of the series looks at ways you can jolly yourself along when you’re living with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or Winter Blues. These are just some of the lifestyle things I do that work for me. If you’ve just arrived on this site and want to find out more about the condition itself, a good primer is the ‘SAD basics – where to start‘ post. 🙂

To recap on the series, the first part covers how to manage SAD and Winter Blues with specialist SAD lights (light therapy). The second part covers dawn simulators and investing in light therapy. The third part looks at medication and talking therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). 

Daily lifestyle routines are really important!

Okay, I’m putting my hand up – I’m a routine person! Anyone with me? 🙂 From past experience, some of the best advice I can offer you is to try to establish strong daily lifestyle routines, especially in autumn and winter. You’ll find it so much easier to be consistent with your light therapy (and therefore feel better) if you can link it to something else that’s already embedded in your daily routine. 

I use my big light at home in the morning while I’m practising something called the Miracle Morning. This encompasses the physiotherapy I have to do each day and links everything together. Linking routines together helps make them a habit. I’ll do a separate post on the Miracle Morning later, but there’s a link there if you’re interested in looking it up now.

Get as much natural light as you can

If you can find yourself a routine to get some natural light each day too, all the better. Obviously it has to work around your current commitments, but getting out during daylight hours every day, no matter what the weather, is really going to help you.

Lifestyle is important in SAD: person walking in snow with dog in natural lightI know, I know – you probably don’t want to go out when it’s grey and raining! I’m the same, especially if I’ve no reason to go out. And sometimes, I don’t. This is a recent change for me; I used to force myself to go out. I’d beat myself up for being lazy for not wanting to. I have a conservatory bedroom now so some weekend days, if I’m content at home, I’ll operate from there and drink in the light.

However, when I didn’t have this natural light available at home, I would ask colleagues or a boyfriend to encourage me to get out and about. I find people are glad they can do something practical to help because you can feel helpless when someone’s going through a condition you don’t have experience of yourself.

When you’re at work, it’s tempting to stay at your desk for lunch on grey days isn’t it? If you can give yourself errands to run on your lunch break, that can help you get out. It also reduces your ‘to-do’ list in small increments without it being too overwhelming.

Diet

  • Don’t fight your urge to eat warming foods – they don’t have to be bad for you! I firmly believe the maxim ‘A little of what you fancy does you good’.
  • Eat little and often to avoid blood sugar crashes that will leave you feeling irritable and tired.
  • Try not to drink too much, too often – alcohol is a depressant, affects your sleep and leaves you tired the next day. These are often the very symptoms you’re trying to combat!

Exercise

  • Arrange to exercise with a friend – you’re less likely to skip it.
  • Keep your exercise goals realistic and be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t manage to do a session – be pleased about what you do manage to do.
  • Commit small when you’re struggling. Give yourself permission to only do 20 minutes at the gym or walk for just ten minutes.

Indulge yourself!

One of my favourite indulgences is curling up on the sofa under a blanket with a good book and hot chocolate! 

Sometimes, it’s the little things in life that get you through the day. A hot bath after a hard day. Listening to your favourite piece of music. Curling up with a book… be kind to yourself. You deserve it! 🙂 What are your favourite indulgences?

Lifestyle is the daily choices you make: treat yourself nicely and cosy up in a hat and scarf to feel goodYou can also kit yourself out with thick woolly gloves, lovely soft scarves, cosy hats and toasty socks. So, here I am with my waterproof jacket on too, feeling fine about going out in the wind and rain because I’m well wrapped up! Maybe you can up your cosiness and see how it changes how you feel?

Another thing to try is to do things that remind you of summer. Keep pampering yourself – use up that lovely sun oil spray, paint your nails a bright colour, wear skirts with woolly tights, bright floral tops with a cardi on top. Gentlemen – if you’re feeling a bit left out here, sorry! Maybe you can keep wearing lighter colours, using a lighter aftershave. Listen to music that reminds you of summer days. If you’re stuck for inspiration try this Spotify playlist of weather-inspired songs 🙂 What would you add?

Finally, I plan to cover diet and exercise in greater depth in other posts, so look out for these if you’re interested. 

So then… I love to hear your thoughts… What are your lifestyle tips for managing SAD? How do you persuade yourself to leave the house on a grey day? What support do you enlist from your family and friends?

Images:
Walk in the snow: http://www.freeimages.com/photo/walk-in-the-snow-1386838

How can I manage SAD symptoms? Part Three – medication and talking therapies

This is part three of ‘How can I manage SAD symptoms?’, where we take a look at medication and talking therapies.

Part one covered bright light therapy, which is delivered via a SAD light and is highly recommended for treating Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and Winter Blues. Part two covered dawn simulators and investing in light therapy. In the fourth part I’ll cover some lifestyle factors and share a couple of ideas with you about things you can try to jolly yourself along!

I consider myself to be very fortunate that I’m one of the 85% of people for whom light therapy is effective. But that’s not to say that I don’t use other things to help me manage my symptoms. Or that there’s no hope for you, if you find that light therapy doesn’t help you.

This is the part where I’m going to ask you to bear with me! I’m not a doctor or a therapist. So I’ll point you in the direction of good quality medical information. Please do consult your doctor or a qualified professional about any symptoms you experience.

Medication

I’m aware that some people are very uncomfortable with the idea of taking antidepressant medications. Sadly the stigma that people feel about mental health prevents many from seeking the help they need. I count myself here; I had to really challenge myself to accept taking medication – read the real story.

If you have been to see your doctor about symptoms affecting your mental health, then I’d like to say a huge well done to you! It takes a lot of courage to take this first step.

Small, round, white pills coming out of a bottleWhile the ‘first line’ recommendation for SAD and Winter Blues treatment is bright light therapy, your doctor may want you to try an antidepressant medication in addition to, or instead of light therapy. 

Mind’s page on antidepressants is very thorough and accessible and of course, your doctor can also answer any questions you might have too. 

For additional personal perspectives on managing SAD with antidepressants, I would recommend chatting with people on the Lumie Forum. I’ve found that people are very open and honest about their experiences. They’re generally happy to answer questions and share tips too. There is also the facility on the site to send and receive private messages. You can also become a member of the Seasonal Affective Disorder Association (SADA), who offer peer support services by telephone and email.

Some people find that a herbal remedy called St John’s Wort can help with feelings of mild depression and anxiety. Other products in a similar category are 5-HTP, which is a pre-cursor to serotonin production.

Products like ‘Kalms’, ‘Stress-less’ and ‘Bach Rescue Remedy’ aim to help with feelings of stress. These are available in health stores and chemists, and you might find they help. However, a note of caution: herbal remedies can interact with other prescribed and non-prescribed medications, including the contraceptive pill. They won’t be suitable for people with certain conditions, so always check with your doctor.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and other talking therapies

CBT is a commonly used treatment for depressive conditions (including SAD). It has a lot of support in the medical community because it has strong scientific evidence to demonstrate its effectiveness. Some studies have found it to be as effective in treating depression as antidepressants.

Again, I’m going to refer you to a Mind page for more detail, but for now, this is how they define it:

CBT is a form of talking therapy that combines cognitive therapy and behaviour therapy. It focuses on how you think about the things going on in your life – your thoughts, images, beliefs and attitudes (your cognitive processes) – and how this impacts on the way you behave and deal with emotional problems. It then looks at how you can change any negative patterns of thinking or behaviour that may be causing you difficulties. In turn, this can change the way you feel.

Your doctor may offer you CBT through the NHS. This may be delivered face to face, over the telephone or it may be an online course. You can also find private therapists on the It’s Good to Talk website, which is hosted by the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP).

Most services or therapists would have a chat with you before starting the therapy to ensure that CBT is the right approach for you. From this, they may recommend CBT or perhaps a blended CBT and person-centred counselling approach.

There are also some really good self-help resources available which you could use while you’re working with a CBT therapist, or you might want to just try giving it a go yourself. I’ve read and can recommend Overcoming Depression: A Self-help Guide to Using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques by Paul Gilbert and The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns, M.D.

Two people, one with a bike, walking in a park in the sunshine - talking therapiesRemember that as with any therapy, only you can do the work, and you’ll get out what you put in. Sometimes CBT itself is enough to help you. Sometimes you might need to combine it with medication and/or light therapy.

Of course, sometimes it can also help just to talk to other people who live with this condition and understand where you’re coming from. I hope that you might take some comfort from looking around this site, perhaps adding your thoughts and questions. The Lumie Forum is great too. And don’t discount talking to your family, friends and colleagues – they could be a great source of support if you are willing to share with them how you’re feeling and why.

For some less formal coping strategies, head on over to part four – I hope you’re finding this series helpful.

Image credits:
Medication: http://www.freeimages.com/photo/softgel-capsule-1325982
Walking friends: http://www.freeimages.com/photo/friendship-1534626

How can I manage SAD symptoms? Part Two – dawn simulators

This is part two of ‘How can I manage SAD symptoms’, looking at another type of light therapy – dawn simulators. I’ve also discussed making the decision to invest in light therapy here.

Part one covered the main kind of light therapy that is recommended for treating Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and Winter Blues – bright light therapy, which is delivered by a SAD light. In part three, I’ll cover medication and talking therapies. Then in part four, we’ll take a look at some lifestyle strategies that I hope you’ll find helpful.

Dawn Simulators

This is Lumie’s video about dawn simulators (also known as wake up lights):

There are other manufacturers of dawn simulators, but I have only had Lumie models. I use the basic model, the Bodyclock STARTER 30. However, they have a full range that give you more functionality if you want it. I use my dawn simulator every day, even in summer. I use black-out curtains to help keep a good sleep/wake cycle.

As you can see, a dawn simulator prepares your body for waking up by gradually raising the light level in your room. The artificial sunrise provides a cue for your body to reduce production of the sleep hormone melatonin and to start gradually increasing the production of cortisol, which gives you some ‘get-up-and-go’. You might find my earlier post, ‘Why do we suffer from SAD?’ interesting too.

Dawn simulators don’t reach the same light intensity as a SAD light. Although they’re great for helping you to wake up in a more natural way, they won’t treat all of your SAD symptoms.

Do dawn simulators work?

Mary Poppins dancing and singing - maybe she used dawn simulatorsI’m not going to tell you that I leap out of bed in the depths of winter à la Mary Poppins just from using my dawn simulator alone. I’ll tell you some other things I do in the fourth part of this series which helps me. What I will say is that it is a really lovely way to wake up, feeling like you’re ready to be awake. It also means your room is light and you’re less likely to have an accident from stumbling around the room in the dark! I recommend dawn simulators to absolutely everyone, regardless of whether they suffer from SAD or not.

I honestly couldn’t go back to a traditional alarm clock now. Being shocked out of sleep in the pitch black by a wailing alarm – no thanks! In my mind, it makes no sense to wake up this way because your stress response activates. Think about it – a loud noise that rips you out of sleep… Of course your body’s going to get ready to fight or flee! It’s just not a great way to start your day, is it?

My basic model has a fixed duration sunrise, sunset and alarm features. For the sunrise, you simply set your alarm for the time you want to get up. So if you set the alarm for 6.30am, it will come on very dimly at 6.00am. It then gradually brightens over 30 minutes. Other models have adjustable time periods.

There’s a back-up beeper for peace of mind, but I usually wake a moment before it goes off. When it does, it isn’t a shock because my body’s already awake – if that makes sense? More expensive models have functionality to select the sound you wake up to.

The sunset function of the dawn simulator is nice too, allowing me to wind down and the room to gradually darken as I drop off to sleep. Zzzzzz 🙂

Investing in light therapy

Are dawn simulators and SAD lights worth the investmentI appreciate that paying around £100+ for a SAD light and another £60+ for a dawn simulator seems like a lot. Personally, I would pay many times this, for the huge difference that light therapy has made to my quality of life! Being curious what this worked out at per day, I’ve done some very rough calculations:

I recently replaced the original light box I bought when I was first diagnosed, treating myself to a more powerful Lumie Brazil. So, at £295.65 in total, my two big lights and my small LED light I use at work, have cost me about £0.12 per day. This is based on using them daily for six months over 13 years. That will continue to drop as I only bought the Brazil last year.

I also replaced my original dawn simulator a few years ago. I spent £120 over 12 years. So used every day, I have paid about £0.03 per day for my lovely wake-up lights! 😀

Will light therapy work for me?

One of the main concerns when deciding whether to buy a SAD light or dawn simulator is whether they’ll work for you. If you don’t want to buy outright, you can hire SAD lights and dawn simulators, from e.g. the SAD Shop. Or, you could buy a product direct from a manufacturer, who may give you a money-back guarantee. Lumie give you 30 days and Philips give you 28 days’ free home trial. Most people will notice their symptoms improve in around a week or two. This would give you plenty of time to see if the products are helpful for you.

Giving people an experience of light therapy was behind my reason for launching the Little Light Room events. I wanted people to be able to experience it for themselves and ask me any questions.

Given that light therapy is the first line of recommended treatment for SAD and Winter Blues, I really would encourage you to invest in at least a SAD light if you can. If light therapy works for you, you’ll be amazed by the difference it makes to your quality of life.

And if you find light therapy doesn’t work for you? Well then, firstly you have my sympathies. There are other treatments you can try, such as medication and talking therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – look out for more on these in part three.

What’s your experience with light therapy? Have you tried a dawn simulator? Have you any tips and tricks of your own to share?

Neens 🙂

Image credits:
Mary Poppins: http://www.thefancarpet.com/uploaded_assets/images/gallery/919/Mary_Poppins_10976_Medium.jpg
Coins in hand: http://www.freeimages.com/photo/coins-in-hand-1245246